Today I had one of those days when I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry. The irony of my current situation caught my totally off guard. For nearly 6 years I was married to a man in the Army, thus earning the title of "dependent". I've always thought of myself as fiercely INdependent, in fact, the first time my husband asked me to marry him, I said no. Why? Because the thought of quitting my job and moving to another state where I would be totally dependent on someone else FREAKED ME OUT! Obviously my love for him overcame those initial fears and I eventually grew not to associate "dependent" with "weak" or "incapable". While we were in the military, I still managed to maintain some sense of independence by involving myself in activities that were independent of my husband. Sure we had many couple friends and enjoyed lots of activities together but I still had a part of my life that was separate from "us" (PWOC, this blog, etc).
Now that we are separated from the military and I am no longer deemed a "dependent" by the US government, I find myself more dependent on my husband than ever. Sure, I'm the main income earner in our family now, so financially I'm less dependent on him, but in every other way, I find myself more and more dependent on him. I find that I'm relying more and more on my husband for my social interactions and thus, for this extrovert, my happiness, and it's putting a lot of pressure on our relationship. Luckily for me, I married an awesome man and more than 6 years after saying "I do", he loves me more than I deserve. And you know what, after all these years, I've learned I'm O.K. being dependent on him.
Now that we are separated from the military and I am no longer deemed a "dependent" by the US government, I find myself more dependent on my husband than ever. Sure, I'm the main income earner in our family now, so financially I'm less dependent on him, but in every other way, I find myself more and more dependent on him. I find that I'm relying more and more on my husband for my social interactions and thus, for this extrovert, my happiness, and it's putting a lot of pressure on our relationship. Luckily for me, I married an awesome man and more than 6 years after saying "I do", he loves me more than I deserve. And you know what, after all these years, I've learned I'm O.K. being dependent on him.
photo courtesy of Loft3
It's a strange juxtaposition, isn't it? I many ways, the Army forces us to be simultaneously more independent and more dependent. I think of life before the Army, and I was definitely more independent from SoldierMan when it came to a lot of things (being surrounded by the familiar helps that) but also more dependent on him for things like routine and stability. That's totally flopped now, I think, because of the military lifestyle. I'm sure I wouldn't be the same person I am today if it weren't for the Army. But I think it's a good change.
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